THE BIGGEST LOSER WORKOUT: BOOT CAMP

2008, $1.50 (in the original shrink wrapper!) at Goodwill on Colorado, Eagle Rock

First Impression:  Boredom and loneliness can cause Bob to spray on walls or furniture.

Second Impression: Keep him occupied with frequent workouts, and get him some friends for company.

Biggest Loser workouts always make me ponder where we are as a society when televised, competitive weight loss is top-rated entertainment.  Then I start to get bummed about a lot of things with our culture. Then I remember that exercise is the best way to improve your mood. Ah, the conundrum.

Normally, anything titled “Boot Camp” conjures up a lot of negative associations of being yelled at, pushing yourself to the point of injury to satisfy the instructor’s ego, et cetera. But this DVD is hosted by Bob Harper, the most emotionally stable of the Biggest Loser trainers, so I give it a try.

Bob offers these words of encouragement: “Are you ready? You bet you are!” For emphasis, he points at a sign with this quote printed on it. It’s not the most profound saying, but you know what? I appreciate Bob. Instead of shouting that you’re never working hard enough, he reassures you that as long as you’re doing your best, you’re doing great.

In the DVD menu, I select all three Boot Camp levels plus the warmup and cool down. It ends up being almost an hour workout, but for once, I, the ultimate clock-watcher, am never bored.

Bob keeps it light and fun, with good-natured banter running back and forth with the Biggest Loser participants. He scolds Ally like a naughty puppy when she slacks off while lifting weights. In response, she gives an impish Sally Field grin. He teases Bernie, “Don’t kick me!” during the leg lifts. Bob astutely points out, “This is hard. That’s why they’re doing it and I’m only telling them to do it!” “We’re dripping over here!” chide the participants in response.

They are dripping indeed. Midway through the workout, a very noticeable puddle forms underneath Bernie. That’s either a great deal of sweat, or Bernie has urinated on the floor. Perhaps he was only marking his territory.