Tag Archives: split clock

QUARANTINE POST: 5.27.2020

Let’s talk about walking! Mostly because it’s one of the few reasons we’re allowed to go outside anymore. 

Today a friend and I went for a stroll around a newly reopened, yet socially distant botanical garden. And look who dropped by to say hello!

So in celebration of walking, let’s revisit all of the exercise DVDs I’ve found in the Indoor Walking genre. It’s surprising how many of them there are.

Leslie Sansone is the undisputed Princess of Perambulation, Daughter of the First Men, Protector of the Realm, and Queen of Indoor Walking. (But not the Breaker of Chains, because she won’t let you go outside.)

The first DVD of hers I found had the inspirational title of Walk Away The Pounds.

She sure looks like she’s going somewhere, doesn’t she? Nope. Just up and down that little space between the couch and the TV. Sometimes, when things really get moving, we go side-to-side. And then when we work in the arm movements… uff da! It’s cookin’ now. Leslie is kind and patient with her viewers who might be frustrated that they are on the wrong foot. “Just keep moving,” she insists.

Next, I picked up Walk Slim Fast & Firm.

Surprise! It’s more walking. Are there different steps to learn? No, because it’s walking.  As usual, Leslie’s backup walkers are all shapes and sizes, and she is best friends with all of them.

Then I found 3 Mile Weight Loss Walk, and typed out, then deleted, several tasteless jokes about Three Mile Island.

More walking? More walking.

Of course, we can’t forget Walk Away Your Hips And Thighs.

I thought the title was just some next-level body shaming, but then during the introduction, Leslie surprised me. “Remember, we didn’t get these bodies to be looked at. Our bodies are for doing, moving, and living.” Not for ornamentation? Not for the aesthetic pleasure of a stranger who doesn’t care about us? Revolutionary.

As I collected DVD’s from Leslie Sansone’s Walking Empire, I did encounter a rival for the throne. One Miss Denise Austin, who encourages you to Blast Away The Pounds.

Look how casual she is in this photo. Just a super chill lady, with her easygoing vibe. It’s a direct contrast with the manic energy of the workout itself. Marching in place in front of a backdrop the color of raw meat, she looks into camera with the whites of her eyes showing and screams, “Burn fat! Yeah!”

Watch your back, Leslie Sansone. It appears that Winter is Coming.