10 MINUTE SOLUTION: QUICK SCULPT PILATES

2009, $1.00, at Oxford Odds & Ends, Oxford, PA

First Impression: Everybody clap for Miss Andrea…

Second Impression: …the prettiest sea lion at the aquarium!

We’re all fine here… how are you? I’m sure at this point in your quarantine, you’ve settled into a nice schedule of pacing the floor, stress baking, and coronacrafts. Why not introduce some ten minute Pilates sessions in between staring out the window and making up songs for your cat?

Our instructor is Andrea Leigh Rogers, and this is her Emotional Support Ball:

It is quickly apparent that these five Pilates workouts clearly represent Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief.

First up is the Total Body Toner. The soft blue of Andrea’s leotard signifies innocence and represents the Denial stage.

Speaking of which, the Diva Gremlin Princess demands to know why I could deny her my attention at such a crucial time:

Lying on the floor, Andrea expects us to balance on our head and ankle on top of a ball, then lift the rest of our body. It’s impossible. Looks like quarantine is not time for discovering new potential, but rather, a time for admitting one’s limitations.

On to the Buns & Thighs Sculptor. Andrea’s now in coral, a warmer color, corresponding to Anger.

We do a side series of leg lifts, and the Diva Gremlin Princess decides to get in the way of the forward leg swings. What am I, her humble servant, to do? She likewise gets involved as we go up onto bridge pose, and I can only give thanks for the blessing of her tiny claws.

Now for Strength & Flexibility Pilates. Andrea’s purple top represents Bargaining:

Purple is the color of royalty, of course, and any good ruler knows how to make compromises. We do some leg lifts while holding the ball in place with our knee. 

I couldn’t get my own ball to stay in place, but that’s probably because it’s partly deflated and sad. Speaking of sad, let’s move on to Core Conditioning. Andrea’s dark seawater blue top corresponds to the Depression phase of grief:

I call this move The Eye of Sauron:

Our last ten-minute routine is the Standing Pilates Sculpt. Andrea’s green tank represents Acceptance, the final stage of grief, which comes with a sense of renewal and new possibilities:

We do a standing version of classic Pilates moves, such as the hundred, leg circles, and rolling like a ball. And finally, an interpretative dance to welcome Spring.

It’s a shame we’ll be inside and miss most of it.