Tag Archives: urban

VICTORIA JOHNSON: CARDIO DANCE PARTY

2005, $2.99, at Goodwill on Brand in Glendale

First Impression: Smile big enough, and you can wish away your headache!

Second Impression: It also gives your curls definition and bounce!

I’m delighted to present, as my first review of 2018, the return of Victoria Johnson, who can best be described as a self-help book made flesh.

She and all her fun helpers put the “Mmmm!” in  Technifunk Jamm.

There’s Addicted to Love Lady:

Madonna Groupie:

Eric McCormack Doppleganger:

and Grandma in Lingerie!

Together they broadcast their vague, fit-positive message from an abandoned basement in the 1980s. Victoria never loses an opportunity to drop a pearl of wisdom, using exercise to illustrate her bon mots.

“You never know where you’re going do, ya? You see, that’s what life is like. You don’t know where you’re going, but if you’re ready, if you accept it, it’ll happen for you.”

“Always wait for the music. I hate people that dance off-beat. Life has a rhythm. As you figure out what your rhythm is, you’re gonna succeed, I know you will.”

“You know, everything you do, you gotta do it with style!”

I agree! And what is this routine full of, if not style? I have a sudden urge to invest in those really thick scrunchy socks that go halfway up to your knees. Also, those white plastic hair clamps that are basically a binder clip for your hair. Add a cropped halter turtleneck, and I’m ready to face the New Year!

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