Tag Archives: urban

COSMO GIRL! GET FIT & FAB WITH JILLIAN MICHAELS

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2006, $1.99 (in the original shrink wrapper!), at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: If your borrowed-from-a-grip cargo shorts just won’t stay up, let your Underoos step out and join the party!

Second Impression: When dancing in ‘gina-grazing surplus pants, add a touch of modesty with a high neckline. The tighter the better!

Jillian Michaels is hanging out with her dancer girls in a big echoey gym! You know, talking about dancer girl things. Like, one of us isn’t actually a dancer and let’s see if we can guess who that person is. Maybe we should all dance a little bit and see if it becomes evident.

The backup dancers are all dressed like the contestants on The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. I’m talking lace-trimmed glamourflage and tiny neckties made out of your Barbie’s old kimono:

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Jillian has some of the dancers lead the warmup, and as she sends each one forward in turn, she sort of wipes her hands on them like they are dish towels. During the demonstration, she clamps her hands onto each dancer as she calls them out for individual attention. It doesn’t read as comraderie, it looks like she’s pawing at them. If this exercise DVD is indeed aimed at Cosmo Girl!’s core readership, I’m not sure it’s appropriate to teach young girls to let an authority figure grab them whenever they give instructions.

When it comes to the actual routine, Jillian Michaels reads it off the teleprompter, I mean, teaches it to us with remarkable speed. Sometimes she joins in, and the editor cuts away to one of the professional dancers, and I am reminded of that fashion moment when everyone had a velour track jacket with short puffy sleeves.

After we finally work though the choreography and repeat it a few times, a freestyle jam breaks out! Each dancer takes four counts of eight, and smirking, shows off her best moves. I could swear the blonde in the military bell-bottoms is flipping off the camera throughout her solo. I kind of want Jillian to attempt a solo, and I kind of don’t. Does she? Watch the video and find out. You can have my copy.