MAMBO HIP HOP

date unknown, $2.99, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: This. Looks. Awesome.

Second Impression: Why would anyone want to give this away?

Judging by the telltale scratches on the surface of this DVD, it was well-used before it was donated. I revive it by giving it a good wash in mild dish soap and pat it dry. Now I’m ready to Mambo Hip Hop!

The opening shot is so pixilated that I wonder if the disc is beyond rescue. Then the image congeals into a shot of our host, Andy “Lyrik” Cruz, greeting us from the streets of Chicago: 

Soon, we pixilate into a dance studio festooned with holiday lights. Judging by the sound, it is located at the bottom of a barrel.

The music powers up and Andy “Lyrik” Cruz just starts dancing. Do I follow, or…?

It’s over quickly. He turns his back to camera and breaks down the steps so I can follow. By “breaks down the steps” I mean that he kind of describes what he’s doing. By “follow” I mean that I stumble back and forth like a toddler at a wedding.

We suddenly cut to Andy “Lyrik” Cruz teaching a big class, already in session. The camera stalks a young girl, who flees:

We switch to a new angle and we can now see a great deal more of the balloons on the ceiling.That’s always helpful when you’re learning to dance, thank you.

We fade in and out of different segments from the same class, to showcase Andy “Lyrik” Cruz’s witty banter. I still don’t know how to Mambo Hip Hop.

Now we’re back in the studio with Andy “Lyric” Cruz and his producer. “Thank you once again for buying my highly anticipated first Mambo Hip Hop DVD,” he says. You are so welcome. It is $2.99 well spent. 

Returning to the best dance class ever, the camera guy locates the young lady who ran away from him: 

Next, we have a demonstration where Andy “Lyrik” Cruz dances with one of Winterfell’s ravens. The North Remembers!

Well, this is turning out to be a surprising little bouillabaisse of a DVD! Now we have some footage of a dance competition in front of palm trees:

After cramming in more filler than a 7-Eleven hot dog, the workout comes to its blissful end.