Monthly Archives: January 2017

MELT IT OFF! WITH MITCH GAYLORD

meltitoffwithmitchgaylord

2007, $2.00, at Out of the Closet Superstore in Glassell Park

First Impression: A green shirt, with a green background, and a green font.

Second Impression: He must think this DVD is going to make a lot of money!

Mitch Gaylord was the first American gymnast to score a perfect 10. This was back in simpler times, before they changed the scoring system. Yes, when 10 meant 10, and the female gymnasts all wore those yarn things around their ponytails.

Mitch Gaylord parlayed his Olympic glory into a fitness system called Gold Medal Fitness. I’m sure you would not be surprised to learn that the modifications for each exercise are called Gold, Silver, and Bronze. I think this designation plants it in your head that anything less than Gold is somehow not quite good enough, which is what actual Olympians generally think about themselves. As for me, if I’ve successfully put on exercise clothes, moved my ottoman and desk chair, stepped away from my computer/phone/iPad/cat, and made an attempt to exercise in my own home in my free time, that is a definite win and worth weeping to the National Anthem.

Sidebar: in Girl Scouts, I was taught that you do NOT put your hand over your heart during the National Anthem. Hand over heart is for the Pledge of Allegiance. Just FYI for the next Olympic Games, when we decide to criticize athletes for things that do not include vandalizing a local gas station bathroom and then falsely reporting a robbery.

Mitch Gaylord, in his mild-mannered way, leads us through Cardio Burn & Sculpt, High Calorie Melt, and Sizzlin’ Abs, a name that makes me want to order spareribs. All incorporate the G-Ball, a filthy name for an innocuous series of weighted playground balls. I use a plain old unweighted ball, because I’m starting at the Aluminum level before I move up to Nickel and then Tin.

He charges us with our mission to become Fitness Ambassadors, just like those pushy, anxious people who sell vitamins at the mall kiosk. I suppose by writing about DVDs I find at the thrift store, I have become a Fitness Ambassador in my own way. If I ever did start my own fitness franchise, it would probably be called “Meh! That’s Good Enough!”

 

 

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