2004, $2.99 (in the original shrink wrapper!), at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando
First Impression: Oh, her again.
Second Impression: I mean, hiiieeeeee!
I already have questions based on the title alone. It’s an “everyday practice” that includes “esoteric practices?” Now, because I am the love child of Lisa Simpson and Hermione Granger, I look up what that means. Esoteric is something “likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized interest.”
Weird flex, but okay. “Oh, yes, it’s just this really obscure practice I do, you probably won’t get it, I just do it every day, so.” There are four esoteric sessions to get through, and I know you can’t wait for me to tell you all about them.
First, we have The Sound of OM. You know, that humming thing in yoga class when everyone tries to sound like the Mystics from The Dark Crystal.
Here’s Yogi Marlon, broadcasting from the spot behind some linens hung up on the clothesline.
She explains how we will use our bodies as a tuning fork to resonate with something that is already out there in the universe. Now, I’ll admit to you that I fast forward through this segment, which consists entirely of 26 minutes of breathing and OM-ing. I am a ball of nerves in reaction to… recent events… and I need to move.
Next we have Integrating 3 Gunas. These are the three different types of energy, basically Mild, Medium, and Flamin’ Hot. The lesson here is to hold a pose for a long time, but have awareness. “If you quit out of a pose early, that’s maybe something you do in life,” she chides. Okay, lady. Who are you lecture us about follow-through when you never think to tuck in your damn mic cord?
Moving on to Bhakti Yoga, which contains no yoga, but rather, a sing-along. Yogi Marlon has invited some friends over to demonstrate devotional yoga chanting. Notice the epic side-eye over here:
“By all means, feel free to explain my culture on my behalf.”
Yogi Marlon turns to the singer, Krishna Das, who is possibly Harry Anderson from Night Court pulling an elaborate, Borat-style prank.
She asks him how he got started on this path. “Well, I think suffering was the main cause,” he quips, with a knowing chuckle from the group. I just don’t have patience for the man with the floor accordion, so after they begin singing, I skip ahead to the most esoteric practice of all, Gayatri Mantra.
Yogi Marlon appears at the foot of your bed to sing a mantra. Don’t be afraid to go to sleep. She’ll be there when you wake up.
Well, Loyal Readers, this is the last DVD I have available to review. The pandemic situation in my city is dire, and I’m staying safe by limiting shopping trips to essential supplies only. However, should you need a little bit of distraction, there are five years of posts for you to browse through! I’m going to take this time to work on another writing project, and rest assured, as soon as it’s safe to return to stores, I’ll be publishing a new review for you to enjoy. Until then, take care of yourselves.
Thrift Store Fitness 