Monthly Archives: August 2017

10 MINUTE SOLUTION: YOGA FOR BEGINNERS

2008, $1.99, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: Place your hands in the Pattycake position.

Second Impression: Breathe deeply, and bake me a cake as fast as you can.

This is a completely unremarkable yoga routine broken up into five easy 10-minute segments. If that’s the sort of thing you like, you’re in for a treat.

I have had the hardest time writing a review for this DVD. I’ve been working out to it for months, and can’t seem to find anything interesting about it to make fun of. The host of this video is the blandest yoga instructor ever. She is Lady Blandington of Blandton Abbey.

If she were an instructor at your gym, she would be known as the “nice yoga teacher.” She wouldn’t be the cool one, who demonstrates poses you’ve never seen before. She wouldn’t be the mean one, whose class really gives you an intense workout.  She wouldn’t be the funky one, whose actual name is Rainbow and who sprays you with scented mist to readjust your aura. If she’s feeling chatty, she will drop hints about the cult she escaped in the 80’s.

No, the host of this DVD is the Sunday morning teacher with the tasteful matching outfits. Her class is never too crowded, and it never starts late or runs over. She offers words of encouragement without any conviction behind them.  “Keep breathing… good job.” She goes into automatic pilot during the class because she is actually planning what she needs to get at Target on her way home to her reasonably handsome husband and their well-behaved dog. No one minds. We are all planning the rest of our day as well.

As goes the mild, unchallenging, perfectly adequate Sunday morning yoga class, so goes the five routines on this DVD. You can pick and choose, or mix them up, but why not do all five?  It’s only 50 minutes, which gives you time to pause in the middle to check your phone and attend to your pets. Sunday funday!

Advertisements