Tag Archives: filmed outdoors

KICKBOX YOGA FUSION

2007, $2.99, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: You got your kickbox on my yoga!

Second Impression: Yeah, well… you got your yoga in my kickbox!

I am not entirely sure that yoga and kickboxing are two great tastes that taste great together, but here I am to sort it out for you, Loyal Reader!  This DVD is led by Patricia Moreno, everyone’s favorite mountaintop dance instructor.

I do the Express workout first, which you may recall, I turned to in a huff after the manly fatsplaining of last week’s review.  We start with some jab-cross-holds, then on to superhero training school!

This doesn’t seem very yoga-y, but I’m down!  Next, we learn that prepping for a kick is called a “chamber.”

So called, because a chambermaid carried so many cleaning supplies that she would have a kick a door open, rather than using a doorknob. This was before supply carts were invented. Go ahead, look it up, I’ll wait.

When we arrive at the main Workout, we discover that Patricia likes two things: getting a fabulous blowout, and kicking ass. 

And her hair’s good and dry now.

We start with a flowing standing stretch. I guess this is the yoga part? Patricia instructs us to jump our feet together. This proves difficult, because there appears to be a Harbor Seal in my living room:

The 50-minute session starts a pattern of jab-crosses, uppercuts, then adds on some kicks, reverse turns, and footwork. So basically I’m an Amazon now.

Since the pattern repeats as it builds, it’s easy to follow and also very satisfying to work through. And, I am happy to report, we get through this entire workout without any body shaming of any kind! Instead, we are encouraged to use our energy, be strong and powerful, and feel our muscles working.

We do an extended stretch sequence at the end, which could be construed as a second yoga part. I maintain that nay, this workout is not a fusion. It is, more accurately, a sandwich. This should please everyone, for I ask you, who among us does not love a sandwich?