Hello again! Are we all getting lean in quarantine? Me, neither! It’s all right. I’m doing my best and I’m sure you are, too. Restrictions in my area still won’t be lifted for awhile, so this week I have another socially distanced retrospective post for your reading pleasure.
When I started reviewing used fitness DVD’s five years ago, one of the first questions someone asked me was, who was the exercise host that I found most surprising? My answer… Carmen Electra.
Yes, Carmen Electra, Prince protégé, pop star, original Pussycat Doll, and stealth comedienne, has her own line of “stripaerobics” videos, and I found them all!
The first one I discovered was Fit to Strip, second in a series of five.
This is an hour-long routine of calisthenics and mat work lead by Carmen and her personal trainer, Michael. Contrary to what you might think, Carmen actually does the whole workout. She’s wearing an early 2000’s Juicy Suit, which we all now wish we hadn’t gotten rid of when they went out of fashion. Yes, George Costanza, quarantine has finally made it socially acceptable to “ensconce yourself in velvet.”
Carmen also impresses me with her ability to do this:
You try lifting your legs up that high using only your abs. I’ll wait.
Eventually, I collected and reviewed the rest of the series. First up, Aerobic Striptease, which teaches us how to stick a finger coyly in our mouths.
Next, Advanced Aerobic Striptease, which demonstrates how to dance like a Sassy Librarian.
Finally, I found the last two volumes of the set combined in a two-DVD pack: The Lap Dance & Hip Hop, which teaches us how to wear a tie without a shirt, and how to walk forward to a count of eight, respectively.
I had located all the discs in the series, but there were more trayshures to be discovered.
There was Aerobic Striptease: Vegas Strip, complete with sullen backup dancers.
If you’ve ever worked in a theme park, or done corporate entertainment, you know that the dancers have two settings: 1) smiles, everyone! 2) sailor mouth/gyno discussion/smoke half a cigarette/get out of my face. The ladies here exemplify the latter, and I celebrate them for it.
And we can’t forget Aerobic Striptease in the Bedroom. The DVD that taught us that yes, sometimes you can fashion a film set out of cardboard, a Spirit of Halloween candelabra, and a Dollar Tree duvet cover.
But delightful as all these routines are, the one that stays in my regular home exercise rotation is the very first one I found, Fit to Strip. It’s just a good workout. Also, at the end, Carmen and Michael are disappointed in you because you haven’t done your chores.