CARMEN ELECTRA’S THE LAP DANCE & HIP HOP

carmenelectralapandhip

2006, $2.99, at Goodwill on Colorado, Eagle Rock

First Impression: Tantalize your man! Show some skin with fingerless gloves!

Second Impression: No body part is sexier than the extreme ends of your hands!

Longtime readers will remember I previously reviewed Disc 1, Disc 2, and Disc 3 in this strip aerobic series. I have been searching thrift stores all over Los Angeles for the Carmen Electra: Disc 5 Hip-Hop DVD ever since I learned of its existence. And to find it bundled with Disc 4: The Lap Dance… it’s like the Holy Grail of exercise videos. Now that I own the complete set, I can Strip My Way To Fitness five nights a week in the privacy of my own home! (My total outlay for this body-sculpting exotic blend of modern fitness: $12.96. Neener.)

I wonder why Discs 4 and 5 are now packaged together like this. Was it because they are the two most popular DVDs in this series? Or did people complain that they spent a gabillion ninety-five for two DVD’s that each have a 12-minute workout?

The Lap Dance routine teaches us that yes, you can be sexy in earth tones. Carmen sports a pair of cropped putty-colored cargo pants, a striped brown Henley top, and knee-high spiked fetish boots. The routine features Carmen’s signature hip dips, strutting around the chair in counts of eight, and rolling around of one’s neck. Modifications are provided in the event that the chair already has an occupant. I imagine if that were the case, how annoyed they’d be at the neck rolls, the purpose of which is to basically pimp-slap someone in the face with your hair.

For the Hip Hop routine, Carmen’s in a shrunken football jersey that hits just under her lady lumps. The dance begins with a long slinky forward walk, which indicates that by the time the choreographer got to this, the fifth routine in the series, she was ready to just wrap it up and go home. I guess even when people are well compensated for creating content, they sometimes get to a point and go “Feh! Done is beautiful!” and walk away. Slow and sexy, to a count of eight.

 

 

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