BEACH PILATES 4 DVD WORKOUT SET

beachpilates4dvdset

2010, $2.99, at Goodwill on Brand in Glendale

First Impression: Is her foot facing the wrong way?

Second Impression: Just look:

beachpilates4dvdsetcloseup

Weird, right?

That’s not the only weird thing about this DVD set. The whole series presents as a Funny Or Die parody. I keep waiting for the big twist at the end, but it never resolves.

It’s called Beach Pilates, but we’re not at the beach. The thing is filmed in front of a pool, at what they claim is a resort in Barbados, but it may as well have been filmed at the Oakwoods, for all I know.   Occasionally, a head will bob in the background, as a tourist does awkward head-above-water laps.

The host, Shelly, introduces her friend Jennifer to help demonstrate the moves. Jennifer appears to take over, literally leaving Shelly in the shade while she is completely sunlit. Often, she’ll giggle and comment, “I don’t know if I’m explaining this right,” as she leads an exercise that could result in injury if done incorrectly.

Jennifer seems to be afflicted with a rather unusual case of Lady Penis Arms. Her arms are crisscrossed with veins that pop out so much that, well… she should never take a picture of her forearm and text it to anyone. Someone might get the wrong idea.

The camera work is particularly spectacular. We’ll fade in on an exercise that is already in progress. Sometimes Shelly and Jennifer bother to tell you what’s up, but mostly they don’t. Then, completely at random, the camera op gets fancy with it and pans up to the sky, showing the bright blue peeking in between palm fronds, while the ladies switch to a new exercise. By the time they fade back in to the instructors and you can follow what they are doing, the exercise is over.

I suspect these DVD’s were cobbled together from episodes of an obscure exercise/travel production. At several points during the workout, Jennifer will say, “Well, that’s the end of our show!” and then the next exercise will start up. It’s all very confusing until you realize that the hosts don’t care, so you shouldn’t either. Then the camera pans away to focus on a hotel employee dusting the poolside chairs.

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