LESLIE SANSONE’S WALK SLIM FAST & FIRM!

WalkSlimFastFirm

2007, $3.99, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: It’s that peppy lady again!

Second Impression: There’s a total of 24 exclamation points on the front and back cover.

WalkSlimFastFirmBACK

Look, four in a row!!!!

This is a four mile walk, so maybe there is one exclamation point for each mile. I’m not sure if they planned that out, or if it was serendipity.

This DVD has the same trapped-in-an-infomercial feel as Walk Away The Pounds. Except this time, the set looks vast, dark, and Brechtian with intentionally visible trusses and a backdrop of the host’s face enlarged to terrifying proportions.

The participants all march gamely along to nowhere, incorporating the variations of Side Step, Front Kick, and Knee Up. In Mile Three we have Enhanced Walking, which is a jog in place! Exclamation point! Mile Four incorporates arm strengthening with a resistance band. At one point, the host switches places with a friend, who takes over as instructor. This new lady has the demeanor of an Assistant Girl Scout Leader who bosses everyone around during Craft Time.

There’s a token male in the back row, Steve, who is the butt of everyone’s jokes. The jokes are just the cleverest. “Look at Steve over there, hahaha!” It reminds me of the time I went to a bridal shower, and the groom and his father popped in for a minute to say hi. “The enemy’s here!” announced the father of the groom. If they’re enemies, why get married? I don’t subscribe to this outdated notion that men and women aren’t supposed to get along.

But how hilarious, these cackling harpies have put Steve in a t-shirt that says “Forced To Workout.” They make fun of him every time he’s out of step. Seriously though, Steve is usually out of step, don’t follow him or it will mess you up.

I don’t own a treadmill, but this routine is the equivalent of one. I’ll put this on after a long day when I want some mindless, repetitive exercise. But I absolutely have to put Leslie and Friends on mute. It’s easy enough to follow the step variations while I listen to an episode of Radiolab. The hour flies by, and I get in some cardio while I learn about the failed attempt to teach a dolphin how to speak English.

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