QUARANTINE POST: MAY 6, 2020

Hello there, Loyal Readers! We know you have many choices when it comes to snarky fitness advice, so we thank you for your continued readership. 

As you might guess, under normal circumstances I would have a little pile of used exercise videos ready to review from my semi-regular trips to area thrift stores. But since charity shops are not considered an essential business during a global pandemic, after six weeks of safer-at-home isolation, I’ve reviewed all my exercise DVDs. There’s more out there, I just can’t get to them right now. So for the time being, Thrift Store Fitness will have a slightly different format.

This week, I think I will indulge everyone’s yearning for The Great Outdoors and do a throwback to some fitness videos that were filmed outside.

Dance Core Cross Train was shot on a windy mountaintop, the ideal place to practice jazz rib isolations.

We all know this guy was the real star of the video, with a personality that dwarfs even the mountains themselves.

Gilad, filmed on an exotic beach, is one of the cardio videos I revisit often. The leotards are hilarious, the host is a goofball, and the routine is easy to follow if I want to put it on mute and listen to a podcast while I work out. Also, a very patient Macau sits nearby for most of the session.

Now, many of these videos filmed outside make the instructor seem desolate, alone, abandoned in a heartless landscape. But fear not, Shiva Rea’s trusty bongo player is never far away.

Then we have the fresh hell of Yoga Anywhere. I heartily disagree with the premise of the title. Given our current awareness of how viruses are spread, does Pigeon Pose on a New York City sidewalk seem like a good idea to anyone?

I mean, nothing against New York, but if you can reach out and touch it, it’s been peed on. Nevertheless, she persisted.

How many antibacterial wipes would you require? Doesn’t matter – they’re sold out everywhere.

Not one to learn her lesson, the same instructor returns in This Is Yoga to declare her wish of dying of exposure.

Partial to the sea? Need entertainment while you Vinyasa Flow Pure Sweat? Why not watch mermaids lure passing sailors to their deaths with their irresistible siren song?

Or if you prefer, you could always get in some Alp-adjacent Total Body Cardio and wait for a flaxen-plaited orphan to skip by on her way to tend to her flock of goats.

And finally, here’s Jillian Michaels from Yoga Inferno, vanquishing her enemies in the desert.

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