DANCE: CORE CROSS TRAIN

2008, $2.99 (in the original shrink wrapper!), at Goodwill on San Fernando in Glendale

First Impression: Let’s look over the side of this cliff together!

Second Impression: It’s a special surprise, you’ll see!

“How can fitness possibly be this much fun?” pleads the back of the DVD case, adding, “if you’ve ever dreamed of dancing in a music video, this is the experience.” I must confess I’ve never actually danced in a music video, so I will have to take your word for it. I’m sure you’re the expert, back cover pull quote!  Incidentally, the case is made out of  100% recyclable and biodegradable cardboard, which implies that the manufacturer can foresee a time when the viewer would like to throw this video out of a moving car on their way to McDonald’s.

Once again, at our own peril, we are exercising in the wilderness: 

How I would love to find a workout that is filmed in an accurate depiction of a living room, with cat-scratched furniture, laundry drying on a rack, a stack of bills on a table, maybe a dog-eared copy of The Poisoner’s Handbook… oh, silly me! That belongs in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, the dancers bravely balance on top of some rickety al fresco platforms, guiding us through a Jazz routine, then Latin, then Hip-Hop. When we get to the Hip Hop segment, instructor Patricia Moreno tells us to really watch what her ribcage is doing, which is why she’s helpfully covered it up with a bullet-proof vest:

No matter. We all know who’s the real star of this video:

This guy!

His fantastic hair that upstages the mountain range in the background, his useless chin-strap beard, his devil-may-care expression… where’s his fitness franchise? The good people at Gaiam should know a celebrity in the making when they see it!

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