2007, $2.99 (in the original shrink wrapper!), at Goodwill on San Fernando in Glendale

First Impression: Welder by day… dancer by night.

Second Impression: Fun fact! Brian De Palma turned down Flashdance so he could direct Scarface instead.

In the interview with the instructor, Patricia Moreno, we learn how dancing is all about feeling joy, and expressing joy, and moving your body to show joyfulness, and how happiness is a choice, and dance is also a choice, and you can choose to be happy by choosing to dance, and then I get incredibly distracted and wander into the kitchen for a piece of chocolate. And then I come back and we’re still in the midst of a lengthy dissertation about happiness, and what is more tedious than watching someone talk endlessly about how happy they are, anyway? The person who gave this DVD to Goodwill without even taking it out of the wrapper was sure missing out.

Now, imagine my delight when I discover that the routine is being performed in front of the Chimpanzees of the Mahale Mountains exhibit in the Los Angeles Zoo:

I don’t see any chimps, but that doesn’t mean they don’t see us. They say for every chimp you see, there are fifty you don’t see.

We work through a series of moves with cute descriptors, like the Reach-Pull-Reach-Pull, Shake It Shake It Shake It Snap, and the Elvis. The Elvis is moving toe-heel across in a straight line, like the kids in The Breakfast Club.

You have the option of choosing the 30-minute or 60-minute workouts. Contrary to what you might think, these are not two different pieces of choreography. They are the same exact routine, with a lot of explanation edited out to make the 30 minute version. You’ll be more confused, but less bored! Whee!

You know who should make an exercise video? Those folks who do Goat Yoga:

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