KIM KARDASHIAN FIT IN YOUR JEANS BY FRIDAY ULTIMATE BUTT BODY SCULPT

2009, $2.99, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: Kim Kardashian regards you with bemused suspicion.

Second Impression: Are you the little scamp who stole her shirt?

How exciting to find another DVD from Kim Kardashian’s Fit In Your Jeans By Friday series. I previously reviewed Amazing Abs Body Sculpt, which longtime readers will remember I got at the 99 Cent Store, in the same aisle where they sell roach poison. 

Kim Kardashian is with celebrity trainer and good-natured Yes Gal Jennifer Galardi. They lead us in a warmup so we can get our blood moving and so Kim can practice interrupting Jennifer every time she tries to give instructions.

“It’s really important for you keep your belly in,” Kim advises, no doubt repeating something her mother used to say at family gatherings.

In a closeup, I notice Kim is wearing an in-ear prompter:

Kim occasionally darts a slightly panicked look around the room, and I have to wonder, what the hell are they telling her though her secret ear piece? pssst… Kim… no one’s looking at you…

We start off Workout I with plié squats. “My thighs are going to be dead by the time this is done,” Kim predicts. Then we add hand weights and Kim makes a dramatic face of protest while managing to not crease her perfectly applied smoky eye.

In the middle of a lunge series, Kim exclaims, “Oh, my legs are gonna fall off!” Jennifer announces we can all take a break:

“Hey, I’m sweating!” Kim discovers. 

“As you should be,” Jennifer replies with professional calm.

In lieu of a High Five, they decide to bump hand weights:

We begin Workout II with a childlike question from Kim. “All right, so what now?” 

Jennifer, always the voice of reason, leads the way with a side-to-side step and some half-hearted arm movements. She encourages us to tap our foot and add some bounce.

Kim gives her a blank look.

“You don’t wanna add a little bounce?” Jennifer asks.

Kim replies, “Don’t I already add a bounce?” Now, because her reference to her famous rack may have been too subtle, she feels the need to physically point at it. You know, I get it. Sometimes working out in a lace pushup bra with a backless bondage top doesn’t draw nearly enough attention to your breasts, so you have to refer to them verbally and with a hand gesture.

Speaking of attention, we finish up by stretching for our red carpet pose. Wouldn’t want to get a leg cramp in front of the paparazzi, now:

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