INTENSE BODY BLAST: PILATES INTERVAL TRAINING LEVEL TWO

2015, $2.99 (in the original shrink wrapper!), at Goodwill on San Fernando in Glendale

First Impression: This workout will eliminate those pesky problem areas.

Second Impression: Including your entire midsection! 

Hi again, Moira. She refers to her “husband Lindsay” in a throwaway comment. Do we get to see him? No. What’s he like? Is he even real?

The handmaidens appear, clad in mystical purple and gray. Moira ghosts this party and leaves us with instructor PJ, who says with a distinct note of impatience, “Are you ready to go? Are you ready?”

We start off just by lifting our arms. I, for one, am pleased at this level of activity. I went to the County Fair yesterday and I’m worn out. I ate deep fried avocado and a vegan milkshake, so that’s practically a salad, right?

Back to the workout. We do snow angels on the floor. For exercise. Once upon a time, someone paid more than $2.99 for this DVD, and that’s how it ended up at the thrift store. What an elaborate tapestry is this life.

Did I mention they had consenting, pettable goats at the County Fair? I made friends with one goat that would paw at me with his hoof whenever I stopped petting him. What a charmer!

The fair also had a fried chicken and ice cream sandwich on a Krispy Kreme, topped with Fruity Pebbles. My doctor, who sometimes reads my reviews, will be happy to know that I absolutely did not eat one of those. I did not!

At 8:47 the DVD becomes glitchy and I think, darn, will I have to stop doing this workout? Will I have to write about the County Fair some more?  But then it smoothes out again, so I won’t get to tell you about how beautiful the rides look when they are all lit up after dark.

PJ leads us in a series of gravity defying crouching kicks. It really is a challenge to hold your knees slightly off the floor for an extended length of time. Especially if you spent the previous day at the County Fair, contemplating the triple-decker cheeseburger served on a glazed doughnut, and again, Doctor, I didn’t eat one of those! Would you believe I started off the day with a poke´ bowl? 

We finish up with a solute to our men and women in uniform with an exercise I call, “Downward Rockette.”

 

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