200TH REVIEW! DANCING WITH THE STARS: BALLROOM BUNS AND ABS

2010, $2.99 (in the original shrink wrapper!), at Salvation Army in Pasadena

First Impression:  Girls, assemble! Our human sacrifice has arrived!

Second Impression: Oh, hi, GrubHub delivery boy. Would you mind bringing the pizza inside? No reason.

I’m learning so much from this video already. Such as, whenever you are photographed, make sure to point your elbows directly behind you. It won’t look unnatural at all.

This DVD has gifted us with three routines, taught by three different instructors with accents from across the globe:

Jive Abs is led by Edyta, whose costumer apparently left her wardrobe on the truck:

 The studio must have been quite cold, poor thing. She’s compensating for this by wearing somebody’s half-finished knitting project on her ankles. The other not-famous helper dancers are similarly dressed, except for the blonde on the left:

She’s all, “No, I will not wear a bikini with leg warmers. I’m a dancer, not a waitress in a poorly-themed Breastaurant.” 

Next we have Paso Doble with Chelsie. There’s lots of stomping back and forth, as well as choreography with an invisible cape.  If her outfit is any reliable indication, she definitely has plans to attend The Craft cosplayers meetup later:

Finally, we move on to Argentine Tango with Kym. Purring in a British accent, she makes eyes at the camera like she’s filming a dating video. Remember when people did those? Now, people just record themselves making fun of a movie everyone likes, put it on YouTube, and hope they will get an endorsement deal from Red Bull. What a world we live in.

Kym’s in a sexy crossing guard outfit, guaranteed to distract drivers and stop traffic. Safety third!

Kym has us walking around a chair in a way that is reminiscent of a few “chair dance” videos I reviewed. I kind of lose interest in this routine each time I do the workout, so, full disclosure, I never complete this section. One thing I’ve learned after reviewing 200 used exercise videos is, if a workout isn’t for you, you don’t need to finish it. It’s OK to quit things (gasp.) I know, this is the opposite of what they teach children in grade school. But your free time is about you. Go forth and be happy!

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