FLIRTY GIRL FITNESS: TEASER COLLECTION: CHAIR DANCE

FlirtyGirlChairDance

2008, $3.99, (in the original shrink wrapper!) at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: The cover looks like a box for ladies’ sanitary supplies.

Second Impression: It should be accompanied by a booklet entitled “What Every Young Girl Needs To Know.”

This video was, apparently, filmed in Barbie’s Exotic Dancer Dream Studio. The brick wall is done in alternating shades of bubblegum, mauve, fuschia, and ballet slipper. Rosy-toned feather boas hang on the walls; somewhere, a flamingo is naked. Three dancers, clad in cooch-grazing designer jazz pants, seduce chairs upholstered in shocking pink.

The Flirty Girls are sisters Kerry and Krista Knee. They hail from Canada, the same great nation that brings us the thoughtful films of Sarah Polley and the jearjerking warbles of Sarah McLachlan.

This routine seems less, ah, dance-based than the Carmen Electra DVD’s. The moves, ah, how do you say, seem like something a professional girl would perform in a club near the airport called “The Landing Strip.”

There’s lots of kicking your leg over the back of the chair, opening and closing your legs to give a “peep show,” and much self-fondling. During the bridge of the song, there is no choreography, and we are encouraged to just freestyle it. The three ladies in the video dutifully grind on the seats of the hot-pink chairs and perform self-breast exams. All clear! Perfectly healthy.

Contrary to the Flirty Girls’ claim that this is a great workowt, I don’t really feel any effects of the exercise. You know after you try a new routine, you might feel unusually fatigued, or notice an increased muscle tone? Nope.

Which is not to say that others would have the same experience. I mean, look at this picture of the Flirty Girls.

FlirtyGirlBack

It’s like looking at pretty gristle. Their body composition appears to be is 50% muscle, 25% hair extensions, 15% porcelain veneers, and 10% Wet & Wild makeup. It’s rather enviable.

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