2007, $2.99, at Goodwill on Colorado, Eagle Rock

First Impression: My TV boyfriend has returned…

Second Impression: …to say he’s gotta get going after a tight five.

The DVD cover unabashedly tells us that this is a five minute workout. Really? A routine that is shorter than a Facebook break? Shorter than a trip to the restroom at work?  Because really, what’s a pitstop at work but a paid vacation?

Do you know what takes longer than five minutes?  Putting on your exercise clothes, tying back your hair, lacing your sneakers, moving aside your desk chair and popping in this video.  I’m legitimately confused as to the workout’s purpose.

Is this the DVD you do in between putting on the kettle and pouring out the boiling water for your tea? Is this meant for when you try to rouse your kids in the morning and they say “five more minutes, Mom!”  “Ok, children, but I better see you out of bed by the time Shaun T tells me I look cute in my jeans.”  Childhood can be such a confusing time.

I actually think a five-minute workout is kind of a ripoff even at the deeply discounted thrift store price of $2.99. I mean, I have a few DVD’s that have 90-minute routines on them. Do I do them very often? No! Who wants to exercise for that long?  I have stuff to do!

To pad out the DVD, there’s a nine-minute “learn to dance” segment, where Shaun T and his crew demonstrate some no-pressure, very basic, back-and-forth steps that you could deploy at a party so you won’t feel awkward.  Please. That’s what finding the party host’s pets are for!

And as an added bonus feature, there’s a routine from fellow Beachbody instructor Kathy Smith.  It’s her 20 minute Project You workout, which, as I’ve written here, is essential for the busy gal on the go who absolutely cannot break a sweat. I think this is Shaun T’s way of telling me he’s seeing other people.

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