2007, $2.00, at Out of the Closet Superstore in Glassell Park

First Impression: The top photo is from Kathy Smith’s dating profile.

Second Impression: Whereas the bottom photo is from her stint as an NFL referee.

Life is hectic, Gentle Reader. Between hang-gliding lessons and trips to the 99 Cents Store, my time is precious. So when I come across a 20-minute exercise DVD, my interest is piqued. Piqued!

This 20 minute almost-workout is just the thing for when you have no free time, and absolutely cannot break a sweat because you’re on your way to see your judgmental great-aunt/tax preparer/parole officer, but your inner perfectionist wants you to claim that you got in some exercise that day. Because there’s no wiggling room in your busy schedule to accommodate a shower, for the love of Jane Fonda!

You have the smallest possible sliver of time in which to shoehorn some exercise before rushing off to an ex-roommate’s baby shower/jury duty/your annual mammogram. Maximize each spare moment with this third-of-an-hour-long effort.

In the time it would take to make a carafe of French press/check Craigslist’s missed connections/buy a wig for your cat on Etsy, you can, uh… well, let’s just say doing this routine once in a while won’t make you any less fit. When you are dealing with a wintertime metabolism and a cinnamon sugar loaf that is demanding to be eaten, that’s all you can really ask for. What! It was a holiday gift from work! It was made by a charity! And it was delicious! I’m not made of stone!

Even Santa Claus is getting into the 20 minute fitness game (artist’s rendition below.)


Santa illustration by Chris Sheets.

Follow him on Instagram: @themeansheets and Twitter: @SHEETSx3

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