2004, $1.49, at Goodwill on Fair Oaks in Pasadena

First Impression: “In this workout, he takes his experience from six days of REAL (their emphasis) basic training exercise.”

Second Impression: “With Billy, you will learn how to set goals and, most of all, reach them!”

The usual crew is back, sporting an impressive array of glamourflage.  The token men have been given fresh military haircuts:

Besides the American flag bunting, which is NOT TO BE IGNORED, the red and blue carpet reminds me of the Bicentennial nostalgia of the 70’s. 

I remember our neighbors had red, white, and blue everything. They had Little Drummer Boy accent pillows. All their pens had big fake feathers to masquerade as quills. The light switches were brass eagles. It was a gaudy time.

If you thought Billy’s Bootcamp was all boot and no camp, you thought wrong! “In the bootcamp workout you gotta lose yourself for me to help me help you and see what happens.”  Okay, Jerry Maguire.

Now Billy has everyone bust out the stretchy bands, and this is serious bootcamp business, folks. Nothing says “military issue” like a dainty rubber tube that loops around your foot. I don’t know, but I’ve been told, stretchy bands are good as gold.

His sweat stain makes a hidden Mickey:

And speaking of good clean family fun, just watch how father and daughter bond with this punching simulacrum:

We get down on the floor for tabletop. “Gonna go test it out,” Billy announces, and sits on poor Jillian:

The look of dismay on this one’s face is priceless:

“What kind of training is this, guys?”Billy asks.

They are unprepared for this question.

“Basic training?”

He presses on. “No, what kind?”

“Basic…? Training…?”

“No, it’s Bootcamp Training. Let me hear it!”

Their answer rings out loud and clear. “Bootcamp Training!”

You know, sometimes you just have to let people know what kind of answer you’re expecting so they will tell you what you want to hear. 

Billy addresses the camera. “I need you guys to give me your heart and your soul.” Nice try, Billy Blanks. My heart and soul already belong to the Diva Gremlin Princess:

As a farewell, the troops line up like players in a community theatre production of 1776:

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