2009, $1.49, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: “Are you ready to have a raw, freaky good time?”

Second Impression: Wow, they really do have a greeting card for everything.

This DVD features dancers from the Pussycat Doll Revue in Las Vegas, created by Robin Antin. I have been aware of Robin Antin since the airing of the most wholesome of all reality shows, The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. Spoiler: she was with us the whole time! 

Two things readily apparent about Robin Antin: 1) she is easily twice the age of any of the girls and 2) she is still the fiercest dancer, with the most chiseled abs. Not that it’s a contest. By which I mean, she shouldn’t be driven to compete with those women, but she does, and you better step off lest you get served.

No worries, these Amazons in hot pants, Jenny, Jessie, and Jersey, know their place. One thing they do not know is the soft, comforting taste of bread:

Also, the one called Jersey is from New Jersey, and that’s why they thought it would be a funny nickname haha. I am also from New Jersey, and if anyone ever called me “Jersey,” I would have to cut them just kidding not really.

The routines feature plenty of burlesque inspired moves, such as flossing between your legs with a feather boa:

I know that’s supposed to be all sexy, but to whom? Is there someone out there that finds it genuinely appealing to watch underfed women saw a string of feathers from a dead bird under their Lady Arch? If such a person exists, never contact me. I’m serious, I’m from Jersey. I will cut you.

At some point, Robin Antin shows us the right way to remove a corset, which is apparently to rip it off, unbidden, while duckfacing the camera:

This slight whiff of desperation permeates the workout as Robin Antin hammers home the choreography of the Pussycat Dolls’ hit routines, including their “female empowerment anthem,” which asks,  Don’tcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?

I wouldn’t call this female empowerment. Female empowerment happens when you’re secure enough to know there’s no need to tear down other women, even playfully, through song.

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