2009, $2.99, at Goodwill on San Fernando in Glendale
First Impression: Jennifer Aniston is excited for you to try this workout.
Second Impression: It says so right on the cover.
Jennifer Aniston actually recorded an intro for this DVD, that’s how enthused she is for you. She’s on top of a mountain in Griffith Park, with Downtown LA in the background. (No sign of our local hero, mountain lion P-22.) The clip is only 24 seconds long. She says that the instructor, Mandy Ingber, is a dear friend of hers, and it might really be true. Why else would you hike up to the top of a mountain with a camera crew for a half-minute blurb? Jennifer doesn’t even mention Brad. Or maybe she did, and they cut that whole part out.
Mandy’s own intro is also short and to the point. She may well be the prototype for everyone’s favorite teacher at the yoga studio, with a face that reminds me of Sherlock’s Amanda Abbington. In her sitcom-sassy voice, she tells us Yogalosophy is a made-up word. “I made it up,” she asserts, then informing us that no one needs a guru. “It stands for “Gee, you are you!” Wow, that’s deep, Rachel Green’s best friend.
The Yogalosophy workout involves holding yoga poses with some pulsing. We do eight pulses of everything “because eight is the number of power and abundance.” Okay, Pythagorus. Regardless of what you might think of numerology, this workout clips along and is made enjoyable by Mandy’s fun personality. As we do squats, she encourages us to repeat the following mantra: “I have great ass. I have a great ass.”
You also have the option of the Fully Loaded Challenge, which includes a Sun Salutation and some stretching at the end. It’s only twenty more minutes, so I say go for it. Throughout, Mandy offers up friendly encouragement: “Don’t feel like you have to be hard on yourself. I never got into shape faster by being hard on myself.” Why, that sentiment is as refreshing as a seaside breeze.
It’s this breeze that blows a brown leafy thing towards Mandy’s foot during the workout. It pauses and seems to look up at her. Is it alive? Is it a scorpion? I think it’s a scorpion! Then it scuttles away. But where is it now? Did someone get rid of it? Is Mandy okay? I need answers.