SHAPE PILATES WORKOUT: FIRM UP FROM HEAD TO TOE

First Impression: The Rockettes keep fit even while sitting down!

Second Impression: I mean, those dance pumps really pinch your feet.

This DVD opens with a shot of a woman jogging down a beach, in a bikini that permits a great deal of… bouncing.  Healthy! Active! Fitness! Boobies! Then we have the introduction and we learn that the DVD was made in support of the The Breast Cancer Research Foundation. The host especially congratulates breast cancer survivors who are trying the workout. Umm… I don’t get it, was the bouncy bikini lady meant to be an in-joke, or…

The set has been decorated like someone’s giant living room, with all the furniture shoved up against the back wall. This fake apartment is nice. It has modern art, and a fireplace, and a very comfortable-looking sofa, which is mysteriously nowhere near the fireplace. There’s a console table with vases and other bric-a-brac. It’s only visible in certain shots, so I strain to see what’s on the table.

When I’m in other people’s houses, I admittedly get very nosy and look around at all their stuff, and where do they put their stuff, and if I lived here, where would my stuff go. Is that odd? Sure! I still play that game when I watch these DVDs that are shot in what is obviously a soundstage with some crap from a prop house.

I mean, on the other side of the pretend window, the sky backdrop has an obvious crease running right through the center. It’s the ombre color of a polluted city sunset. In this Barbie Dream House of fitness, it is always magic hour.

I don’t really have a lot to say about the workout itself, because my cat was being extra cute the whole time, hovering on the edge of my yoga mat and gazing at me with complete adoration. Then he climbed on my stomach and did kitty paw-paw muffins. During the whole routine. Leg lifts, bridge pose, the works. I spent the whole DVD giggling and cooing in my Cat Lady Voice. When your cat wants lap time, all other priorities fall by the wayside.

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