ELLEN CROFT’S SUPREME PILATES: SUPREME BUNS & THIGHS

2005, $2.99, at Goodwill Superstore on San Fernando

First Impression: The evening air was sultry in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

Second Impression: Stanley was different that night. He didn’t seem… interested.

This DVD is another offering from Guthy-Renker, the good people who package their fitness videos to resemble lurid paperback novels.

As I mentioned before in my review for Supreme Abs, these videos are meant to demonstrate all the features of a home Pilates machine called The Tower.  This title is only 20 minutes long, because if it went on for much longer, you would pick up the phone to see about getting your money back.

Very quickly on, you realize that any standard Pilates mat exercise could be performed just as well, if not more efficiently, without the Tower.  But here are some wonderful secondary uses for the Supreme Pilates Tower: A hat rack. A clothes drying rack.  A dog grooming platform. A bone of contention with your significant other:

“You said you would use it every day!”

“I do use it!”

“Not every day!”

“I’ll use it tomorrow!”

“Can you put it away tonight so we can have people over?”

“I can’t, it’s too heavy!”

The video is also notable because it includes the introduction of the Safety Strap. There’s an exercise where you lie with your head directly under a bar, then swing the bar up as you pull up to sitting.  It’s evident that the Safety Strap is there, as an afterthought, so the bar doesn’t whap you on the forehead if you lose your grip. I’m curious to know the exact number of concussions caused by the Tower before they finally listened to the intern who kept saying, “We could add a safety strap.”

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