AM & PM YOGA FOR BEGINNERS

AM&PMyogaForBeginners

2008, $2.75, at Out of the Closet Superstore in Glassell Park

First Impression: This DVD will teach me how to levitate above a mountaintop.

Second Impression: Before taking flight to exact revenge upon mine enemies.

No? We don’t learn that in this video? Ah, well. The search continues.

Before you can select which routine you want from the DVD menu, the obligatory intro track plays. The instructor introduces herself while standing under a white archway woven with flowers. She seems relaxed, but I notice her fidgeting with her fingers. I’m a master fidgeter myself, so no judgment.

There’s two routines on this DVD, totaling about an hour. You could do one in the morning and one at night, as suggested by the title, but most people want to put on their exercise clothes just the one time. Although lately, I have noticed a lot of people wearing fancy sweatpants out of the house, some with giant pockets to accommodate the new, chihuahua-sized mobile phones. So if you’re an athleisure-sporting sort and you’re dressed for yoga all day long, separating out the workouts might do for you. Again, no judgment.

The instructor does change clothes, though. In the AM segment she wears orange and suggests we meditate on those in our lives who encourage our yoga practice. (Like my cat, who climbs onto my stomach whenever I do Bridge Pose.) In the PM segment the teacher is in a pink outfit, and she has bangs now.

Where did the bangs come from? Did she get a haircut during the day? Getting bangs is a pretty big deal. It’s the day you discover how weird it feels to have a flap of hair touching your forehead all the time. It’s an eventful day already, even without filming a yoga video.

As for myself, I do both workouts in a row. The PM segment has Pigeon Pose right at the beginning, which is actually my favorite yoga pose. But it’s not good for you to plunge into if you’re not already warmed up, or if you’ve been sitting all day long. And I have also had the experience of getting a haircut with bangs. Everyone tells you how much they love your hair, and then after you let the fringe grow out, those very same people tell you they’re so glad you no longer have bangs. Still, no judgment.

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