YOGA FOR EVERY BODY

YogaForEverybody

2006, $2.99, at Goodwill on Brand in Glendale

First Impression: The lady on the cover is thinking about how great her armpit smells.

Second Impression: This DVD promises over 35 different yoga routines. You pick your level, choose your time, and voila! Chakras aligned.

I’ve tried out different combinations of routines on this DVD for several months now. As you can imagine, it takes a while to work though 35 different routines. I think each pose has its own track, and each routine is preprogrammed to assemble the poses in a certain sequence.

It turns out, the claim is a bit misleading. A lot of the routines I did are all kind of similar, using the same poses in the same order. I found myself saying, “Ach! Not this pose again! I’m so over Twisting Star Bend,” and clicking past it.

If you’re in search of novelty, it would make more sense to rotate through several different DVD’s. And it’s odd to do a resting pose like Downward Dog once, for a really short amount of time, and not return to it over and over as other yoga classes will do.

There’s one pose that absolutely freaks me out. The host lies on her back and does a series of eye exercises while the camera zooms in REALLY CLOSE on her eyes, and it’s like the Ludivigo Treatment in A Clockwork Orange. I’m squeamish about eye stuff and I just can’t handle it. They should really put a warning on the routines that incorporate this track, because it’s a horror show.

Her instruction, recorded in a voice over as if we are reading her thoughts, is very soothing; light yet resonant. There’s also a slight clicking sound as if she had a tiny piece of candy in her mouth. It would trigger an Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response in me if I were prone to having that type of reaction. If you’re someone who seeks out ASMR videos, get this one. I don’t experience the “brain tingles” that I’ve heard ASMR produces, but her voice is really very relaxing to listen to. It’s a good DVD to put on if you’re stressed and need to do the soft, floppy kind of yoga. But don’t pick the routine with the Squicky Eyeball Thing, because that just ruins it.

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